Monthly Archives: October 2013

I Kan’t Take Any More!

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I’ve had it with the big names in the news this week.

I’ve averted my eyes and still can’t avoid them. They seemed to be everywhere all week: on every show and website, and in every newspaper and magazine.

Not our Congressional Representatives.

I’m tired of Kanye, all the Kardashians, and I’m lumping Miley Cyrus in with them.

The folks at Today fawned over Miley for 2 days this week. How does this fit their demographic? They gushed about her “undeniable talent.”

Matt Lauer asked Miley about the sexually-charged imagery in her recent performances. Under-educated Miley equated this to actually having sex. Matt acted amused by the inane chit chat that ensued; I thought he appeared lecherous.

I wanted to scream a few days ago, when I received an iTunes email spotlighting the release of Miley’s Bangerz. Really, iTunes? The only bangers I’m interested in are the delicious ones from the Brits, piled atop a scoop of mash, thank you.

Sure, Lady GaGa, Gwen Stefani, Madonna and Pink may be provocative; but there is a definite artistic quality to their performance styles. I can appreciate them. Miley’s latest incarnation seems to take elements from all three of these artists, but the result is a poor and trashy knock-off that relies heavily on shock value.

In my opinion, her efforts to reinvent herself and move beyond child star status to full blown womanhood have back-fired. It shows just how immature she is. Shame on her entire team for resorting to sleaze and vulgarity. She could have rocked this transition a bit differently, and still had platinum seller.

What I find most offensive is her lack of willingness to  be a role model. With fame comes responsibility. Like showing tweens and teens how badass* a pair of shorts can be when it actually covers the entire fanny.

Instead she has been opting to let her cheeks hang out. Bad form, and even worse – bad fashion.

It is unfortunate that Miley didn’t look to Beyonce for inspiration. Whether Bey is covered from neck to toe in a catsuit, or at the very least has all her naughty bits covered;  she is sexy, beautiful, elegant, classy and an excellent role model. She made a flawless transition from girl group to “single lady.”

I refuse to include a photo of anyone else mentioned in the post, except for her....

I refuse to include a photo of anyone else mentioned in the post, except for her….

News of the Kardashian family seems to have been fairly minimal since the birth of Kim and Kanye’s baby. Hasn’t this been blissful?

Until…

Kanye started a twitter feud with Kimmel.

Khloe tweeted  poetic about Lamar.

Kris and Bruce split.

Then, this week Kanye defended and explained his self-described genius on Kimmel.

It seems in his world of excess, our genius Kanye has everything  except a sense of humor. He should smarten up and get one. Life is going to be a tough road for him, unless he learns to laugh, especially at himself.

Honestly, I wish the whole lot of them would move to their own planet and take Miley and her wrecking ball with them. I think Krypton is a fitting locale.

Bonus for them:  it works for a spinoff title. Bonus for us: it’s  a different solar system.

Bad behavior. Crass language. Lack of etiquette. Bad grammar.  Annoying voices. The vocal fry. Materialism. Narcissism. Self-indulgence.

Is anyone else tired of all this?

I’m a total news junkie and do keep current on world events, and I am fully aware that there are real problems in the world. Maybe that’s why I enjoy a little fluffy celeb and entertainment news on the side.

I’m just looking forward to the day when some decorum and class returns to entertainment and entertainment news.

We need Ron Burgundy.

and him

and him

I’m just worried his new tagline will be “Stay Klassy.”

*For the record, I despise the word “badass”as an adjective for everything…except Navy Seals.

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Listen, sister…

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Isn't she just the NEATEST??

Isn’t she just the NEATEST??

Every girl needs a sister. Secret-keeper. Fashion advisor. Cohort. Sous chef. Problem solver. Cheerleader.

If you were lucky enough to grow up with a sister,  you know there is no relationship like the one between sisters.

Women who never had a sister or have lost a sister, often find a sister bond with a girlfriend.

Look at the devoted sister-friends in pop culture: Oprah Winfrey & Gayle King, Drew Barrymore & Cameron Diaz, Tina Fey & Amy Poehler. Oh, I’m sure there are sister-friend duos in the actual arts and the field of science – however, since I live close to the TMZ, I can only speak of what I know.

The sister bond is powerful. I am blessed to have grown up with a sister of my own, and today is her birthday.

For ten years she was the only girl. A rose among 3 thorns. Apple of her daddy’s eye. Princess in her own bedroom.

Then natural family planning resulted in my unexpected arrival. From that day forward, she shared her royal quarters with a lady in waiting; until one day, a prince of a guy stole married her and made her his Queen.

I was crushed that she was leaving. I had a nervous stomach the week prior to her wedding. I floated through my junior bridesmaid duties on her wedding day,  thanks to the valium Mom gave me. Hey, it’s not like we lived in The Valley Of The Dolls, but it was the 1970’s. “Mother’s little helper” helped me make it through the night.

What would I do without her? She taught me to shave my legs. Watched Mary Tyler Moore with me. Campaigned for my rights……to pierced ears. Made the best popcorn.  Bought me my first perfume (Windsong, of course). I didn’t want my own room, because everything was more fun with her – even show tunes.

Sisters....Sisters....There were never such devoted sisters....

Sisters….Sisters….There were never such devoted sisters….

I eventually got used to her married life. During my high school and college years, she birthed three babies.  I spent countless hours in her happy little home.

Our difference in age meant we never fought over clothes, make-up, or the bathroom. Naturally, our age difference is no longer noticeable. Even so, in our 50 years together, we’ve never had an argument. (Scrabble squabbles don’t count.)

Not one fight.  Not even when I poured boiling water on her hand while draining pasta, or when she squirted lavender dish soap in my soon-to-be-mashed potatoes.

However, she has accused me of stealing her identity. We look and sound a little bit alike, although I am taller and she is skinnier. I caused a kerfluffle during one visit to my hometown, when I unknowingly snubbed a woman while walking through a restaurant. The woman’s husband worked with my sister’s husband.

I am now under strict orders to strike up a cheery conversation with anyone who merely glances my way. I’m not sure my constant babbling to strangers is helping her reputation.

Our slightly similar appearance confuses the very old and the very young. During my recent visits with our Mother, she insists I am my sister:  the “well-behaved daughter.” My sister’s 19-month old granddaughter calls me Nana, despite all attempts to teach her to say my name. Hopefully this changes soon, or the real Nana will be mad at me for the first time, ever.

We think alike, and often say the same thing simultaneously. Several years ago, we were banned from playing on the same Pictionary team, after I began my turn by drawing a straight line, and my sister immediately correctly guessed a phrase that had nothing to do with a straight line. Sometimes I open my mouth to speak, and she interrupts me with, “I know what you’re gonna say.”

She is a dedicated and resourceful volunteer with a built-in business savvy. She is hilarious. She is a Nana like no other. A caretaker by nature.

My Mom rarely leaves the care facility where she lives, but my sister makes sure she has cute clothes and her hair is colored. She thoughtfully adds a decorator touch to Mom’s room for each holiday. She shows the same patient and sweet affection for our Mother that she shows to her Grandchildren.

We now live 2,000 miles apart. Technology keeps us connected. She is always quick to lend an ear, and frankly, she can only lend one – the left ear can’t hear a thing. We are the Seinfeld of sisters: we can talk for hours about..nothing.

We’ve watched developing TV news stories together…over the phone. We can pick an outfit and cook via Facetime and shop via text messages and photos.

We share new recipes, hot tips, and great shopping finds.

We also share a funny bone, a sweet tooth, boobs that are too big for our liking,  and unfortunate-looking knees.

We also share an appreciation of how blessed we are to have each other.

My cousin Jennie passed away 2 weeks ago. While, she is missed terribly by her parents, her husband, 4 children and a large extended family and many friends; her passing also left my cousin Julie without a sister.

On the morning of Jennie’s funeral, my sister said, “We’re adopting Julie, right?” I knew what she was thinking:  Every girl needs a sister. Of course we would happily adopt her as our 3rd sister.

Our sweet cousin Judy beat us to it. She knows firsthand, the strength, comfort, and power of sisterhood. Sisters make the happiest times more joyous and the tough times, bearable.

So yes, today is a landmark birthday for my hilarious sister. I won’t say exactly how old she is, but I will say that I celebrated my 50th birthday this year. She tells me I am lucky to have her as my window to the future, because I can see how I will look in 10 years.

I think I am luckiest to have found a friend in my sister. I don’t know what I would do without her.

Everything is still more fun with her,

My hilarious sister and me

My hilarious sister and me

And, hey, if I look like her in 10 years, that’s cool, too.

P.S. In observance of Breast Cancer awareness month and in memory of my cousin Jennie, grab your sisters and sister-friends and schedule your mammograms. We need our sisters and sister-friends.