Halloween Hotness

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When did Halloween become so……..s-e-x-y?

I mean sooooo sexy that in comparison, the vixen Elvira seems a bit buttoned-up.

Elvira Pic

Sure we’ve had naughty school girls, girl scouts, French maids, Playboy bunnies, cat women and lady devils in red body suits, but this year, the sexy costume selection is out of control.

Last month, I visited a Halloween store with my favorite 15-year old. It was during spirit week at her high school. As we browsed through the store, we accidentally found ourselves in the “ADULT” section.  Believe me, it was most definitely frightening.

We made a hasty retreat, quickly found our two cans of “Ariel Red” hair spray paint for Disney day, and got the heck OUTTA THERE!!

After leaving the store, we discussed costume ideas. I was curious what was popular with the high school crowd this year. I enjoyed hearing the fun/scary/cute ideas my favorite 15-year old and her friends were considering.

There was not one sexy thing on the list. Whew!

We discussed that overtly sexy halloween costumes were tacky,  and had even become sort of cliche.

Apparently, not everyone agrees.

Last week, I stumbled upon Yandy.com. There were pages and pages of sexy costumes. Even though I wasn’t in the market for one of these silly get-ups, I couldn’t bring myself to quit looking.

Oh, I get the sexy costume phenomenon – an excuse to unleash your alter ego in the spirit of  Halloween. I realize this is a trend, but I still don’t fully understand it.

Then I discovered that costume manufacturers are now making sexy costume versions of things that shouldn’t be the least bit sexy. This hit me as just plain weird. I couldn’t quit laughing.

I’ve done the footwork for you. For your enlightenment, Here is just a sampling of the weirdness:

Socks. Monkees. Sock Monkeys...None of which are sexy.

Socks. Monkeys. Sock Monkeys…None started out sexy.. unless you are a plushy (but that’s another story)

 

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Is nothing sacred? O'Toodles.....If you sex up Mickey, you are a big Mouskatool.

Is nothing sacred? O’Toodles…..If you dare to sex up Mickey, lemme be the first to say…. You are a giant  Mouskatool.

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Imagine if Ronald had worn HIS  pants this tight. Scary Clown, indeed.

Imagine if Ronald had worn HIS pants this tight. His name would have been on a registered offender list, for sure, Scary Clown, indeed.

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Oh Dear...I can just see the Seven Dwarves blowin' up social media with up skirt photos.

Oh Dear… those seven rascally dwarves will be blowin’ up social media with up-skirt photos.

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If you touch her tentacles, do you have to pee on your foot?

If you touch her tentacles, do you have to pee on your foot?

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Stay away from her...she'll take your quarters and run.

Stay away from her…she’ll take your quarters and run.

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Hijacking the kiddie characters and making them sexy is disturbing to me. I shudder to think of the trampy turn that Anna, Elsa, Sofia, Amber and Doc McStuffins could take. And poor Tinkerbell. Wait, Tink is already a bit sassy, isn’t she?

The oddest trend is food costumes that have taken a sexy turn.

Forget the traditionally sexy food, like chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, oysters and sushi.

Apparently fast food is what is really HOT!

Who knew? Greasy burgers don’t make you fat. They make you P.H.A.T.

 

Ummm....sorry, but I must ask..Where's the beef?

Ummm….sorry, but I feel compelled to ask..Where’s the beef?

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There it is, but frankly I prefer a bigger, juicier patty.

Oh, there’s the beef, but frankly I prefer a bigger, juicier patty. Wait, maybe I’m just used to looking at own my beef patty.

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Oh....and here's your side of fries with that.

Oh….and here’s your side of fries with that. Shouldn’t she see a doctor if she has steam arising from that region?

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Naturally, there is a marked difference between costumes for men and women.

Tacos for the ladies...

Tacos for the the senoritas….

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vs. Crunchy tacos for the señor!

vs. Crunchy tacos for the señores! You know when he farts, he’ll say it was the beans, right?

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Pizza by the slice...

Pizza by the slice….

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Double crust or double standard?

Double pepperoni or double standard?

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Perhaps my favorite…the ultimate in Midwestern sexy…

Corn on the cob...wonder if she is GMO free?

Definitely sweet corn…sure she looks good, but  is she certified GMO free?

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If you got a chuckle out of this, you’re welcome.

If I’ve helped you find the perfect costume, shame on you.

 

 

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7 responses »

  1. Ugh Annie! I have NEVER been able to pull off any of those sexy costumes. Yes they are mostly skanky but a piece of me wonders secretly, if I could pull it off, would I??? But you can bet Livie would never have walked out of the house in one!!!! 😘

    Like

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